I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
