Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
