shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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