can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
