he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
