The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
