I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
