i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
