Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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