dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
