Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
