We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
