All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
