You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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