I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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