it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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