woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
