Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
