It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
