Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize
