did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
