If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
