she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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