By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
