Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
