How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
