Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
