i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
