We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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