Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am mentally ready for anal.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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