my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
