Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
be right there i have to get my cape
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
