I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
