Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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