i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
