I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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