This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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