Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
