I just threw up on my dentist
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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