Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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