i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
