you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
