Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
