would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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