if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
