You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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