nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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