God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
