He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
