If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
