Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
