Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
