I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
