haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
